The Cleanup

 

The Cleanup

 Originally published in Chicken Soup for the Soul, Making "Me Time"

Having a simplified, uncluttered home is a form of self-care.

 ~Emma Scheib

 I used to make the same New Year’s resolution every year—to simplify my life and make time for me—but I was always too busy to stick with it for very long. Change is not easy for me. I liked helping people and hated to say “no” when I was asked for help. I was so overcommitted that it felt like I was dragging an anchor around all the time. I didn’t have time to write, quilt, or just sit and read a book.

I often jumped in the car, backed out of the driveway and forgot where I was going. I once forgot my son! I had dropped him off for his swimming lesson and then gone on to do errands. When I got home, I thought, Where’s Darren? Then I remembered where I had left him. I screeched into the parking lot, and he was sitting on the curb crying. I felt terrible, and I was cured... for a while.

I soon went back to overcommitting but became an avid list maker. That kept me a little better organized. If I did something that was not on the list, I would write it down just so I could cross it off! It made me feel more productive when I could see all the things I had accomplished at the end of the day.

I thought the lists would help me accomplish things more effectively so I would have time for myself each day. Instead, I felt tired all the time, and it was hard to fall asleep as I mentally went over my to-do list for the next day. I was stressed and miserable.

I was always doing five things at once but never felt like I was doing a good job at anything. Once, while hosting a meeting for my Girl Scouts’ parents, I heard a little snicker or two every time I turned around to write something on the board. Later when I got home and changed my clothes, I found that when I rushed to get my pants out of the dryer, an extra pair of underwear had clung to the inside and hung over right in the back. I was mortified!

As I ran from task to task, I could never outrun the feeling that something was missing; that was real happiness, which seemed just out of reach. I felt like I was missing a key piece of the instructions on how to put my life together.

My real awakening came about in a strange way a few years ago. We were having the inside of our house painted and so we had to move all the knickknacks, curtains and accessories out of the painters’ way as they moved from room to room. We put most of these items in the garage. We lived a simpler life—without stacks of magazines, photos and “treasures”—while our house was transformed with new, restful colors.

Somehow, we got along quite well without all the items we had collected over the years. We decided to think hard about what we would put back. Layers of lace curtains were replaced with simple, sheer curtains in the living room. Across the back of the house, we left the windows with just the lovely, wooden blinds that had been overshadowed by curtains before. My husband painted the old, crazed chandeliers black and they looked brand-new!

And so it went from room to room. We eliminated many decorations that friends and family had thoughtfully given us, because they made the rooms feel small and cluttered. Even though I hadn’t wanted to hurt anyone’s feelings, it was liberating to put back only the things we really wanted. The house felt so much more open, peaceful and beautiful.

When I started to hang our calendar back up, I noticed how full each day was. Every square was filled in. I decided to continue my decluttering with the calendar. It was near the end of July, so I started "clearing" August and September. I kept doctors' appointments, family events and commitments to church. But I removed extra tasks I had taken on that left me very little time to relax, read or spend time with family. 

At first, people were surprised when I told them in the most loving way I could that I wasn't able to help them. Over time, I got used to saying it and they got used to hearing it. Now, I think carefully before I take on anything new. 

I am more relaxed, and I have found ways to help in advisory capacities instead. I also review projects via e-mail rather than committing to weekly or monthly meetings. The funny thing is that stepping back has allowed other people to step forward and realize their potential.

I still make lists to keep myself organized, but I am down to one page. I feel like I have blessed others by donating our unused items to charity. But, most of all, I schedule time for me each day - to do what I want. The uncluttered beauty of our home and schedule gives me great peace and joy.

~ Judee Stapp