My Ballerina

 

My Ballerina

When I was just a little girl

With saucy curls and licorice dreams,

I got a gift one Christmas

Of a tiny music box.

 

Whenever I was sad

Or thought I had no friend,

I could wind it up and lift the lid

To see the ballerina dance.

 

I don't know why I saved it

All through these many years,

As I left my childhood far behind

And moved from place to place.

 

But I found the box last week

On a dusty attic shelf,

The cover was all faded,

The key was hard to turn.

 

I lifted up the lid to find

My friend, like me, had aged.

Her skirt, no longer crisp,

Had changed from pink to white.

 

Her little face was streaked and cracked,

But when she heard that tinny tune,

I found she hadn't changed at all,

And my ballerina danced!

Summer Romance

 

Summer Romance

 

At summer’s dawn I see the sun arise,

To warm the earth and kiss her dampened plane,

With yawning rays that tease and linger there,

And promise tender love to gain their end.

 

The earth aroused, responds to the sun’s heat,

And gives her swain the richness of her soul.

She buds and blooms in trusting innocence,

Within his flaming arms matures,

And bursts to shameless fruitfulness.

 

When comely face begins to fade with age,

The first blush gone, her lushness brown and spent,

The fiery cad, with faithless disregard,

Abandons her to wither and to die,

And wanders far to feed his greedy eye

Upon some other budding summer land.

Three Wishes

 

Three Wishes

If I could give you three things
For me to ease your pain,
I'd give them, oh so gladly
To see you smile again.

I'd wish for rainbows in your sky
           A pastel ray of hope
           Across the heavenly blue of health
           That every day would be.

I'd wish for music in the air
           To lift your soul on high,
           The melody would be of joy
           And bring the sunshine in.

I'd wish for love to fill your life,
           Your cup would overflow,
           And spread the sweetness all around
           To everyone you meet.

Yes, all these things I'd wish for you,
If it was in my power,
But all I have I bring you now,
I'm here and I'm your friend.

A Penny's Worth

 

A Penny’s Worth

 

A penny for your thoughts, my friend,

A nickel for your heart,

 But I can't take the ache away

Or bring him back to you.

 

My image in the mirror smiles back at me

And glues the front in place,

For no one in the world must know

We've crumbled down inside.

 

“Be brave and keep your chin up,”

I tell that empty face

Don't worry about tomorrow,

For it may never come.

 

The important thing is, freeze that grin

And just get through today,

When you return and light the light,

I'll be waiting here for you.

 

I'm the only one who feels your pain,

Who understands and shares your tears

And knows your tender heart,

         Or cares a penny 's worth.

Dear Miss Agler

 

"Dear Miss Agler..."

 First Published in Short and Sweet a Different Beat

"A friend loves at all times." ~ Proverbs 17:17
"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it"
~Proverbs 22:6

I stood still with one foot on top of the other while my third grade teacher read my assignment.  She had made me write it for the fourth time.  I held my breath until she smiled and put her hand on my arm. “This is a good story now, Judee,” she said as she looked at me over her specs. “The way you began the piece is better now and your script is interesting.”

This was HIGH praise from my third grade teacher, Miss Agler. She urged her kids to do their best and reach high. She took real pride in each of us.  To a child like me, who didn’t get praise at home, Miss Agler was the muse in my life.

“Thank you, Miss Agler!” I felt like I could float back to my seat. She liked my story!

I got almost no attention at home.  I was born when my brother was 13 and my sister was 10.  My folks thought they were through having kids and didn’t spend much time with me.  I wasn’t harmed, just not seen and left on my own. Miss Agler stepped into my life and filled that void in my heart.

Miss Agler was a force to be felt in spite of her prim, five foot frame and sensible shoes. She stressed reading, English, grammar, and cursive writing which I loved.  She taught us to respect adults and each other. Her core class rules to be on time and take turns gave me guide lines to live by that I didn’t get at home. She always said, “Good, better, best. Don’t rest until your good is better and your better is best.” I grew to love her very much and worked hard in school to please her.  I was the first child who earned all A’s in Miss Agler’s class!

I think we filled an empty space in each other’s lives. Miss Agler had never wed and gave her life to her students. She urged me to stick to my dream of writing.  Her interest and true view of my work meant so much to me.

When I was in fifth grade, my parents moved to Utah!  I was so sad and didn’t want to leave Miss Agler!  I sobbed in her arms and she vowed to write to me.

I felt so lost in Utah.  My folks sent me to a girls’ school in Salt Lake City.  I had to ride a Greyhound bus 25 miles to school and then walk about 2 miles.  At ten years old, I was scared I might go to sleep on the bus and wake up in Wyoming!

Miss Agler told me to take notes about those I met on the trip and put them in my stories. I wrote lots of stories and sent them all to her one by one. She wrote to me each week and gave me hints to spice up my work.

Then in mid-eighth grade, my parents moved to California and once more I was thrown into a new school where I knew no one.  Miss Agler wrote to me and urged me “to make a friend, be a friend, and make notes for your writing.”

I didn’t write any stories for a long time when I married at eighteen and had two kids.  I still sent mail and snap shots of my kids as they grew and were in dance and band. As time went on, I sent her pics of my grandchildren. When any of us won a prize or praise, Miss Agler was the first one I told.

She kept up the love mail with her wish for me to start school once more. So, I went to college one class at a time over 15 years. I don’t think I would have graduated without her faith in me. I wished she could have been there but I sent pics and she wrote back, “How great!  I am SO proud of you!” I felt like I had as a kid, waiting at her desk, to see her smile and then pat my arm and say, “Well done”.

In 2003, I went back to Nebraska to see Miss Agler.  As I drove up to the small house, the past filled my mind and heart.  There she was with her big smile.  I ran up the walk and we hugged each other. She was so small! She walked with a cane but her smile and her kind eyes were the same. Her mind was still sharp at 92 and Miss Agler had run the town library after she retired from teaching.

She had tea laid out for us and as I sat down with her, my eyes were drawn to the wall behind her. There on the wall of this small town teacher - - were hundreds of pictures of her students over the years - - as kids and then with their own kids and even their grandchildren!! She had kept in touch with them ALL and knew what each one had done and where they lived!  She asked me to look in a cupboard beside her chair. She had kept ALL my stories and pulled out one after the other to show me.  “Please take them home with you and make a book out of them,” she told me.  Tears ran down my face as I took them from her.  It was quite a stack and she had saved them all!

That day as I sat in Miss Agler’s front room in her small house, she served me tea in her best cups, worn from long use. I looked at the faded chairs and the rag rugs on the floors. She hadn’t earned much through teaching and lived alone most of her life. Miss Agler could not fund her dream to take trips but toured that world through her books and maps. By people’s gauge, she had no fame. Yet she was so important to me and the rest of her students. She had loving friends and her church. She was happy with what she had. 

When I looked at her wall of memories, I realized that one little person can have a very BIG impact on the world, one person at a time.  “Good, better, best. Never rest until your good is better and your better is best.” When I got home - - I started writing again.

Though my dear teacher only lived another four years after that visit, she will live on in the memories of all those hundreds and hundreds of students that she inspired in her 96 years.

The Cleanup

 

The Cleanup

 Originally published in Chicken Soup for the Soul, Making "Me Time"

Having a simplified, uncluttered home is a form of self-care.

 ~Emma Scheib

 I used to make the same New Year’s resolution every year—to simplify my life and make time for me—but I was always too busy to stick with it for very long. Change is not easy for me. I liked helping people and hated to say “no” when I was asked for help. I was so overcommitted that it felt like I was dragging an anchor around all the time. I didn’t have time to write, quilt, or just sit and read a book.

I often jumped in the car, backed out of the driveway and forgot where I was going. I once forgot my son! I had dropped him off for his swimming lesson and then gone on to do errands. When I got home, I thought, Where’s Darren? Then I remembered where I had left him. I screeched into the parking lot, and he was sitting on the curb crying. I felt terrible, and I was cured... for a while.

I soon went back to overcommitting but became an avid list maker. That kept me a little better organized. If I did something that was not on the list, I would write it down just so I could cross it off! It made me feel more productive when I could see all the things I had accomplished at the end of the day.

I thought the lists would help me accomplish things more effectively so I would have time for myself each day. Instead, I felt tired all the time, and it was hard to fall asleep as I mentally went over my to-do list for the next day. I was stressed and miserable.

I was always doing five things at once but never felt like I was doing a good job at anything. Once, while hosting a meeting for my Girl Scouts’ parents, I heard a little snicker or two every time I turned around to write something on the board. Later when I got home and changed my clothes, I found that when I rushed to get my pants out of the dryer, an extra pair of underwear had clung to the inside and hung over right in the back. I was mortified!

As I ran from task to task, I could never outrun the feeling that something was missing; that was real happiness, which seemed just out of reach. I felt like I was missing a key piece of the instructions on how to put my life together.

My real awakening came about in a strange way a few years ago. We were having the inside of our house painted and so we had to move all the knickknacks, curtains and accessories out of the painters’ way as they moved from room to room. We put most of these items in the garage. We lived a simpler life—without stacks of magazines, photos and “treasures”—while our house was transformed with new, restful colors.

Somehow, we got along quite well without all the items we had collected over the years. We decided to think hard about what we would put back. Layers of lace curtains were replaced with simple, sheer curtains in the living room. Across the back of the house, we left the windows with just the lovely, wooden blinds that had been overshadowed by curtains before. My husband painted the old, crazed chandeliers black and they looked brand-new!

And so it went from room to room. We eliminated many decorations that friends and family had thoughtfully given us, because they made the rooms feel small and cluttered. Even though I hadn’t wanted to hurt anyone’s feelings, it was liberating to put back only the things we really wanted. The house felt so much more open, peaceful and beautiful.

When I started to hang our calendar back up, I noticed how full each day was. Every square was filled in. I decided to continue my decluttering with the calendar. It was near the end of July, so I started "clearing" August and September. I kept doctors' appointments, family events and commitments to church. But I removed extra tasks I had taken on that left me very little time to relax, read or spend time with family. 

At first, people were surprised when I told them in the most loving way I could that I wasn't able to help them. Over time, I got used to saying it and they got used to hearing it. Now, I think carefully before I take on anything new. 

I am more relaxed, and I have found ways to help in advisory capacities instead. I also review projects via e-mail rather than committing to weekly or monthly meetings. The funny thing is that stepping back has allowed other people to step forward and realize their potential.

I still make lists to keep myself organized, but I am down to one page. I feel like I have blessed others by donating our unused items to charity. But, most of all, I schedule time for me each day - to do what I want. The uncluttered beauty of our home and schedule gives me great peace and joy.

~ Judee Stapp

Goodnight World

GOODNIGHT WORLD 

Mommy calls me to come in the house, 

I hide and try to be quiet as a mouse. 

I don’t want to stop my play, 

I want to stay outside all day. 

 

I just love the green, green grass, 

To lay out flat upon my back 

And look up into the soft, blue sky 

Where clouds form shapes as they pass by. 

 

I love to swing and zoom down my slide, 

I don’t want to go inside! 

But Mommy says it’s dinnertime, 

Daddy’s home and says to mind 

What Mommy tells me and be good. 

 

He says to wash my hands and eat my food. 

Then it’s time to have my bath, 

I get my bubbles, duck and boat   

Lay on my back and try to float. 

 

Mommy helps me with my jammies, 

Then Daddy takes me in his arms 

And walks around the house with me. 

Of all the day, this time is best 

To say goodnight before I rest. 

 

Goodnight grass and blue, blue sky, 

Goodnight clouds and shapes passing by, 

Goodnight swing and slide and yard, 

Goodnight friends and bees and trees, 

Goodnight sun and moon and stars, 

Goodnight God and all the earth. 

 

Tomorrow is another day 

That I can swing and slide and play.  

~ Judee Stapp